There are moments where I feel completely at peace. They are kind of rare, granted, but I’m doing a better job of at least noticing when they happen, filling myself up with it, and feeling how good it feels. It is so healthy to just chill out.
When A was 5 months old, I noticed a flat spot happening on the side of his head. It’s when this roller-coaster began, really, as I made an appointment then at the nearest early intervention centre. Google taught me the words plagiocephaly and torticollis. I was FREAKING OUT! My perfect newborn had an imperfection – was it solveable? cureable? undoable? Was I too late? too casual? too ignorant?
Thinking back on that time, 2 years ago, I can’t help but chuckle a little. If the cosmetic woe of a flattened head was A’s only issue I would be GIDDY (plus now I see it as part of his unique beauty). Alas, as we know now, the therapists noticed there was more to it, eventually, and eventually, with more input, tests, and research, I accepted this realization as well, and here we are today. It inspires both worry and reverie.
Thinking back I also see in myself the panicked rush to CORRECT and NORMALIZE – one’s culturally innate response to align with regularity and regard anything else as pathological. It’s gross, how automatic the reaction is, to freak out. How scary “different” is. How much unknowns can shake you to the core. When really, REALLY, this is the rich space of life – it’s the marrow of the bone. The curve balls, the windy roads, the paths least taken… this is where you find yourself, your life, and both become far more fulfilling and interesting as a result.
Our brain achieves its knowing from differentials – it is the most basic building block of human thought. Hot/cold, soft/rough, big/small. Each opposite has a neutral connotation and yet when we’re talking about the differences in people, in neurology, it is healthy/sick. perfect/broken, intelligent/slow.
I hope we can move away from the obsession of fixing and get more into equating. It’s better to chill out.