Thoughts

I miss writing here more often. There are so many thoughts to work through.

Thoughts about spending 7hrs in front of a computer and the health of my back, which we all depend on.

Thoughts looking over the programming that highlights skills being worked on with my almost 3yr old: smile reciprocally, respond to name, gesture ‘bye-bye’, make eye-contact, etc.

Thoughts about presuming competence and neurodiversity.

Thoughts about homeschooling.

Thoughts while I guide A in his walker out of daycare, smiling and nodding at the other parents who’s children bounce along, finally pushing him slowly to the car while he lets his feet drag, doling out perky cheers like “use those feet mr!” while he gazes off.

Thoughts as my 115lb-self wrangles a strong, arching 33lb boy, then yanks apart and loads a heavy walker, and pulls out of handicap parking spot, feeling simultaneously defiant, exhausted, ridiculous, strong, special.

Thoughts as I rest my head on A’s back and quietly cry following a longer, shakier seizure, resisting the weight of defeat.

Thoughts about our stance on more medication, the ketogenic diet, marijuana oil, other therapies…

Thoughts on celebrating the incredible, clearly brilliant, little man that E is and finding more time for him and his intellectual development/curiosity.

Thoughts on how to do better, how to delegate more, how to connect, how to help, how to get help, and through all of this, remain happy, healthy, satisfied, and well.

Thoughts on lack of sleep, hobbies, exercise…